St Patricks Day

Yet another day, holiday, passes without Lisa in our lives. Memories of the shopping trip to the outlet stores when Lisa purchased all her green "garb" on sale after St. Pattys day in anticipation to wear for the following year. Frugal she was and she put it away in preparation to wear the next year. Like so many things in life she was denied...wearing them and celebrating the holiday was taken away from her. Such a trivial thing yet so painful when we found them and now today again remembering. Every small memory that so many other take for granted bring such pain to those who have lost their child. Things that were and those that never will be again...How can the sadness ever possibly ease...IT DOESN'T! It just gets worse as the journey begins to wear away at you not only physically but at your soul or what is left of it after your heart has been so broken and torn apart.

Where does everyone go?

Where does everyone go when they are needed the most? Why do they leave and do they really think if it is hard for them to face reality then how hard it must be for us? Do they know the thoughts they leave with the mother of a murdered angel when they chose to ignore you, avoid you or just plain abandon you? Do they think I wasn't a good enough parent/person and that is why our angels were taken? If life was based on the merit system why wouldn't all the murderers be dead then? But you are left with that feeling that they are somehow better than you because they have their children, their lives and their happiness. Something we will never again have...yes we have our "surviving" children if you can call it that as they go through life with holes in their hearts and the memory of their siblings a constant reminder of what could/should have been. We have a new lives but they aren't lives at all and happiness in our lives is at such a low level you need a microscope to actually see it whenever it does unveil itself if only temporarily like an eclipse. So what? What is it? Are our lives too much of a reality? Are we bringing others down? Doesn't it matter that we think about our murdered child 24/7? Oh...I see that is it...We think too much about our lost child...Is there even such a thing? What does that have to do with or Why is everything about Lisa? Because that is the way it is and always will be! I will tell them that too but no need to as they aren't around so I wonder why like so many other things. What do we do when they do come around...we can't be bitter because we have to understand how hard it is for them because as much as it is about them and we are to understand then WHY DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND WHY IT IS ABOUT OUR ANGELS? But then again no need to worry as those times are few and far between because they just don't come around. As time goes on life get lonelier and lonelier and the pain never lets go of your heart. But the questions always remain and the thoughts are always there; trying to understand other people who don't even care enough to show that your angels life meant something or those that are left in the rubble even matter to them anymore...In loving memory of our Angels ♥LCM♥