I am a Mother

I am not an indirect reference...

I am a mother

As a child I played with dolls

I guess it was pratice

I am a mother

As a teenager I babysat, also practice

I am a mother

I remember when the dr said yes

I am a mother

I'll never forget the day of delivery

I am a mother

There were diapers and bottles

I am a mother

Learning to walk and to talk

I am a mother

There were skinned knees and measles

I am a mother

Riding a bike and learning to read

I am a mother

There was drivers ed and a first date

I am a mother

Then came that call

I am a mother

Only a few short years

I am a mother

Now just memories and sadness

I am a mother

Only tears and photographs

I am a mother

I am not an indirect reference

I am a mother

by Julie Dinkens

In Loving Memory of

My Son

Jeremy Earl Dinkens

Here it is, Here it isn't...

For some reason this was much funnier when I heard it said by Johnny Depp as he played the peculiar yet loveable Willy Wonka while searching for the key as the spoiled child was being overwhelmed by squirrels. Now it has new meaning for the mother of a murdered child as she tries to get the "square" wheels of justice to turn. You see they don't move very fast, if at all, and well when they do they clunk forward only to stop until the next time you can get them to turn over the next edge of the wheel. Which brings us to the title...Here is your trial...here it isn't...here is your final pre-trial hearing...here it isn't...you get the picture. All the way down to the phone call we received yesterday saying a hearing was to be held today for the murderer whose lawyer believes he needed to be recommitted back to the mental hospital. Seems he doesn't really like jail too much these days despite only being there for 2 out of the last 21 months since he murdered our beautiful Lisa. So we spend all night wondering how we will handle seeing this pathetic excuse for a human being in person for the first time. We are told we will get a phone call later in the day with the time of the hearing. No phone call, no info on the "official" docket sheet...nothing but endless hours of now wondering if we are going to once again be bypassed in the process only to later be scolded with You need to be at all the hearings so the judge knows her life mattered to you. WTF!?
We would if you would do things they way you should and notify us! So this morning after a long night or limited sleep and nightmares we finally get a phone call with a Gee I guess I forgot to call you and tell you the hearing has been postponed and we are not sure when we are going to reschedule. All the way down to the phone calls we are left with the Here it is, Here it isn't game. Don't worry it is just our emotions you are dealing with. We just all better learn to take it in stride as after all our name in nowhere to be found in the Criminal Justice System. Perhaps we could have our own and call it the Victims Justice System and promise the murderers different things like visitations, appeals or early paroles and then say: Here it isn't!