Halloween

Another holiday that brings memories of what once was in what now seems like another life. I remember the sadness when the girls grew older and their trick or treating was at the local halls of fear/haunted houses --little did we know what sadness was. It was one of our favorite holidays with Hocus Pocus--Bette Midler's Halloween movie--rating on the top of our movie charts. Two days ago I realized there were no decorations in place nor were there any intentions. It was just another day in our so called lives. As I worked through my route yesterday I delivered the grade school where I once saw the little ones parading their uniforms filled with excitement in the anticipation of trick or treating. I would then later encounter a woman on her porch remarking, "I can't believe they stole my pumpkins!" and then asking me if I could believe it? What do you say? I hope they didn't steal the pumpkins off my daughters grave? I wish that was the only thing I had to worry about? What is this world coming to when they start stealing pumpkins? I know what she was thinking--I live in a good neighborhood--How could that ever happen here? As if crime/murder discriminates which we have all found out to be so untrue. It reminded me the comment I heard over and over again when our daughter Lisa was randomly murdered in her apartment...Wow and that is a good neighborhood. As if that should have saved her from the evil that lurks in this world. We researched listings for weeks before sending our 18 year old daughter to college and we too thought she would be safe. Now we are left with the precious memories of those days when Lisa adamantly refused licorice from a lady by sticking her little hand (the same little hands that she fought so courageously with to try and save her life) out towards the lady--No Thank You! And when I asked her what was wrong she told me so innocently--I don't like licorice and continued to the next house while we just looked on in astonishment yet were amused by her politeness even at an early age. I will cherish those memories and hold them dear to my heart knowing there won't ever be any more....

Lighting a candle

Every night before I go to bed I light a little candle for my Jimmy, I tell him good night, I love ya kiddo. Hope he hears me I believe he does. Then I ask him to come see me in my dreams. Before falling asleep I picture My Jim I never want to forget that smile or that silly grin.

Mom to an Angel, Angel Jim.........

If I heard it once I have heard these things countless times....you need to move on, they are in a better place, they would want you to be happy, it was meant to be....and the list is endless. We could never expect anyone to fully understand what we are going through which is why those who make these statements must try and understand why we choose to throw all those worthless sayings, made by parents who still have their children, in the crap pile. This is our life now and this is our journey in hopes that we can educate those who still have their life and have not had their heart ripped apart and their lives shredded. We are the Mothers of a Murdered Child and each and every day of the rest of our lives is a continuous nightmare that will never end. Take a walk with us whether you have something in common with us or would just like to learn the true meaning of the word survival.....