Where does everyone go when they are needed the most? Why do they leave and do they really think if it is hard for them to face reality then how hard it must be for us? Do they know the thoughts they leave with the mother of a murdered angel when they chose to ignore you, avoid you or just plain abandon you? Do they think I wasn't a good enough parent/person and that is why our angels were taken? If life was based on the merit system why wouldn't all the murderers be dead then? But you are left with that feeling that they are somehow better than you because they have their children, their lives and their happiness. Something we will never again have...yes we have our "surviving" children if you can call it that as they go through life with holes in their hearts and the memory of their siblings a constant reminder of what could/should have been. We have a new lives but they aren't lives at all and happiness in our lives is at such a low level you need a microscope to actually see it whenever it does unveil itself if only temporarily like an eclipse. So what? What is it? Are our lives too much of a reality? Are we bringing others down? Doesn't it matter that we think about our murdered child 24/7? Oh...I see that is it...We think too much about our lost child...Is there even such a thing? What does that have to do with or Why is everything about Lisa? Because that is the way it is and always will be! I will tell them that too but no need to as they aren't around so I wonder why like so many other things. What do we do when they do come around...we can't be bitter because we have to understand how hard it is for them because as much as it is about them and we are to understand then WHY DON'T THEY UNDERSTAND WHY IT IS ABOUT OUR ANGELS? But then again no need to worry as those times are few and far between because they just don't come around. As time goes on life get lonelier and lonelier and the pain never lets go of your heart. But the questions always remain and the thoughts are always there; trying to understand other people who don't even care enough to show that your angels life meant something or those that are left in the rubble even matter to them anymore...In loving memory of our Angels ♥LCM♥
Laura
ReplyDeleteWhat you have said is so very true, the video is beautiful I have tears running.
Love U
Big Jim's Mom
So how very true. I feel this way every day. People I knew who I thought would always be there are gone. My boys lives torn apart, they didn't just kill my son Timmy, they killed us too. Life will never be the same and yes the lonliness that I feel even when surrounded by people deep within my heart, never subsiding and knowing that this is pain that will never go away. I've always loved that song, and hearing it now, makes it more poignant to me. How do I breathe???
ReplyDeletePeople I never thought would abandon me have and people I didn't know would be there stepped up and are the ones I turn to now. I get a little bitter that family have turned from us. I thought family were there for you no matter what. They ask other people how I am doing, but they never call me themselves. They called before but now they don't. When my sisters tell them I am falling apart they don't reach out. I admit it, I am bitter about it. I lost my daughter and then found out that my support system just isn't there. We don't get over this and all it takes is a kind word, a phone call, shared memories of our child. What we get is avoidance and silence and discomfort. I hope they never know this feeling first hand, but in the meantime I will move on from them as well.
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