Where are you?

That is a question I ask every night before I go to sleep, that's if I can sleep. Most nights I toss and turn or lay there thinking, thinking, thinking. I play that night over and over again in my head. I think of my son every moment of the day, a lot of times I have to push the thoughts away because I feel the panic, the tears, the heartache rip me apart. I have to stop or I will break down, like I do most nights, or in the car when I'm by myself. Each night before I go to sleep I ask him to come visit me, give me a hug, tell me you are ok, let me hear your voice in my brain, he never speaks when I do dream of him. I see life moving on, people going about their lives, each day a new day. Each day in my life, when I wake up is just another day of pain. Where are you Timmy? I want you to come home. I miss you and I want to hug you.