My thoughts

After five years and nine plus months, my mind is in a different place today. This does not mean there is any less pain, heartache, anger or sorrow. I will forever love and miss my son, grieve for him, feel anger like I'v never in my life felt before. I will forever remember the day I came home and found him lying on his bedroom floor brutally murdered. I will forever remember all the homicide detectives coming and going while I was sitting there, (after they sat me down) while I was crying in shock wondering how this all could be happening. I remember everything about that day like it was yesterday. When your child is murdered, it is the worst of the worst thing that can ever happen to you in life and you will never ever forget it. It will affect every part of your life forever. The heartache is neverending, and you wish you could join them. At one time, I wished I could join my son but no longer do. I remember feeling intense anger every single day, and every November was filled with thoughts like "what do I have to be thankful for, they murdered my son, I'll never be thankful for anything ever again". As I sit here and ponder what has happened since then, I have to be thankful, even if it is for only one person, or many, I guess I should be thankful. I remember the night before the murder trial for one of the murderers when I kept talking to Gerrick and asking him to watch over me while I wondered what would happen during the trial. He was right there letting me know that he heard me. Just like he was sitting right there next to me during each and every court date. I'm thankful for twelve jurors who saw and heard the truth through the evidence and followed the law. I always wished I could have thanked them, but was never given that chance. I'm also thankful for a witness who told the court the truth. I always wished I could have thanked that person as well. I never got the chance to thank all the homicide detectives who worked so hard to find and charge the murderers who murdered my son. Every murder investigation starts with the homicide detectives working that case, and I appreciate each and every one.
One of the murderers who murdered my son pleaded guily to first degree murder. His sentence was only 21 years. The other murderer was sentenced to only 22 years. The trial judge who sentenced both murderers gave them the minimum sentence under Illinois law, 20 years being the least after conviction of first degree murder, and 60 years being the maximum for first degree murder. This means that both murderers that murdered my son will be young men when they get out and will have their whole lives ahead of them while my son is in the cemetery.

No, you never forget, you never ever "get over" the murder of your child. What happens is, time continues, whether you want it to or not. For whatever reason, one day your mind is in a different place. But, your child is always right there with you.
Diane Davies 11-24-09